Having a Cypher moment

Cypher has been written about before. The little blue pill whore in The Matrix who sells out his comrades in what has come to be seen in the manosphere as the quintessential artistic rendering of white knights and manginas ’round the world.

Good lord…I have been having something of one of those moments.

Probably in the early 2000s I was starting to be unplugged from the machine. I knew something was wrong. All the blue counsel in the world was only serving to help my marriage fail and make me miserable. I pushed against it to the dismay of my personal sphere.

About two years ago, I came across Reframing Christian Marriage. Holy crap! I was hooked. Tubes were pulled out of my femoral arteries, urethra, nostrils and ears, not to mention that damned itchy cable connected to my spinal cord. I arose, not reluctantly, into a world I saw as bleak. And #$@%!!!!!! I wanted to create something different for myself.

As I started implementing,  I saw the nuclear breakup of my first significant post-marriage relationship. Lemme tell you, readers, I have lived a few manosphere cliches.

I saw what happened. I knew what I did wrong. I was fired up. Gotta get me some alpha-tude, I’m gonna bang me some chicks, fuck’em!!!! I’d been screwed over too long and too often to let this be my life for its last third.

I pissed off family. While my brother is there with me, my sister I am sure thinks I am off my rocker. I have some ‘progressive’ extended family who probably shake their collective heads.

Then… I fall in something like love again. This girl was not what I was looking for. She was rural, girly in and of herself, but lacking the presentation I desired. Well Mr. Her-Alpha-Dog was gonna do something about that! Let’s girly her up. And she got into it. I wanted to see more skirts and heels, she was slightly reluctant but man! Could she rock it when she did! She’d pull me over to the computer to show me her latest finds. SPROING! She was doing it anyway, but I encouraged her to grow her short hair. God, when she did it up in ways that short hair doesn’t allow, I was thrilled at how she looked AND by the effort she put in to something she knew I wanted.

Despite some of our differences, I got hooked. I thought I’d found this natural, born and raised Red Pill Woman. Look at me!

Then without a word – not one – and nary a sign, she was gone. Disappeared.

Latebreaking note: I have since found out that it was precisely because of my attitude of “let’s girly her up”.

All Women Are Like That, and we know what “that” is. I consoled myself knowing that I didn’t back down from what I wanted out of a relationship.

Time to bang me some more chicks.

Big talker.

Instead, my time was spent reflecting and refining what I think it’s all about. Dr. Illusion and Young Hunter inspired me. Seriously, I don’t want to be a paper alpha, a bitter likely-MGTOW, a heartless PUA. Despite the (shall we say) “annoyance” I am experiencing, I could look at things I valued in any relationship, largely fueled by that last one.

I recently read some of the comments at SSM on the topic of Sex Bots.  Dr. Illusion (who I think has a lot of good to say) weighed in and was largely accused of being nothing more than the Minister of Man-Up, a secular Mark Driscoll. I have to admit, some of the criticism made sense.  Didn’t I just go through another scenario?  Didn’t some chick reel me in and screw me over?

I was starting to get all twisted up again. Did I get it wrong? Was my approach to red pill a fantasy? Or should I go big or go home?

Well, it has been about 3 weeks that this post has been brewing.  A lot of little things have happened along the way.  I thank Young Hunter (Hunter! Again, you address some of the stuff I was seeing and holistically take it on in this post), Dr. Illusion, my brother, the aforementioned disappearing GF (who, btw redeemed herself), my ex-wife even. I feel like I am crafting the coffeecrazed niche for my life. And really, isn’t the red pill about disconnecting from a reality that others seek to create for you, even the most well-meaning blogosphere luminary?  I think that is what I was ignoring. It’s all about implementation for yourself.

Cypher was wrong. But I knew that.

Vacation!

I mentioned previously that I’d  be in Canada’s only desert.  It is #$%^&*ing AWESOME.

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A couple of years ago I established (business) relationship with the operators of this little 5 room guest house.  Best place in this little resort town, plus – unbelievably – probably the cheapest.  The rooms are beautiful.  Elegant, simple, even manly.  A great place for a  getaway.

It was supposed to be different, but ended up there with my son and his GF.  It’s got a kitchen, so we cook.  Nice deck with a great view for the morning coffee which flows down my throat somewhat endlessly in the mornings.

My view from the Java Deck…
SAMSUNG

The proprietors I mentioned are a fabulous family with a restaurant where they serve the breakfast.  It’s hot for Canada (36C today).  It is 5 minutes from the US border if you’re so inclined but there isn’t much there in north central Washington.  To the east up the mountains, there is a viewpoint overlooking the valley. The Valley is also home to BC’s excellent wine industry, with a few very favorite vintners.

‘Vettes, ‘Stangs, and the odd Aston Martin dominate the highways. [/drool] My poor  ‘Stang is waiting for the supercharged engine I have in rebuild.

In the meantime, my bro is managing developing relationship with a couple of women and he is texting me all the time.  Something about being wingman from 2000 miles away.

A gift I was given just before I left was interesting. I smoke – yeah, yeah, yeah – but more than a few articles are coming up about benefits (Thanks, Hawaiian Libertarian).  The satellite office I work out of is in a major office building.  Lots of women work in the law offices, etc.  The proportion of female smokers to male is HUGE.  I chat and flirt a lot but after one dating episode, tend to avoid the women there.

I observed an apparent IOI from one of the women – just one IOI – that I logged as a datapoint.  Carried on with convo, part ways, don’t see her for a couple of weeks.  In the week before I left, I am talking to her one day, she’s dressed office-like in pants and some top. (Oh, the temerity!) I ask, “Have I had the privilege of seeing you in a dress?”.

Side note: I am not at all bashful about declaring to women I know, or want to know, what exactly it is I like and want to see more of.  Heels, skirts, longer hair, etc.  Sometimes gets me in a bit of trouble, but whatever.

The very next day, I am in a loose conversation with one of my favorites and someone else, but it is drifting to office talk, their office talk. Suddenly, around the corner comes this vision. Dress, heels, and surprisingly (considering it is summer) hose of some sort: the trifecta for me.  Nothing says “complete” to me like hosiery. More awesome legs than I remember. Plunks herself down right next to me.

“Don’t you look nice.”

“Yeah, I didn’t feel like ironing anything. But I had to make up for the effort by shaving my legs.”

We both know our plans for the next day – leaving for vacation or long weekend getaways. Say our goodbyes.  Dumb bunny that I am, I realize later what just happened.

I spoke, she sought to please me.

I’m new at this. Shoot me.

Dannyfrom504 speaks of this.  Crap, all of the manosphere speaks of this.  I’ll figure out my apparent unquestionable power sometime.

This week in history

I knew I wouldn’t be prolific here, hoping to get maybe a post a week.  Somehow, good topics have eluded me.  Sure, I had some thoughts and started some drafts but as I put it down, they kind of fell flat.  The potential for this very condition was one of the things that had made me reluctant to dive into blogging. Here are a couple of the things I was struck with.

Alpha or just wanna-be?
My brother had an interview with a large-ish corp opening a new attraction and event facility.  He managed to get before the GM before the job was posted.  A little research suggested that GM was very accomplished in his field and would be a good person to be mentored by.  All seemed to go well and during the course of the interview, GM indicated he was having trouble connecting with one of those beverage suppliers that every facility needs.  You know, the supplier where there are two choices?  

Because my brother had contacts with one of the suppliers I encouraged him to do a spontaneous audition.  Post-interview, he called up contact and arranged for them to connect with GM.  I figured a) this would be the kind of thing he would do if he got the position, and b) what would it hurt?

While brother has attempted to follow up, they have not advised him of the status of the hiring process nor have they even acknowledged the efforts brother made on their behalf.  A professional confidant thinks that brother actually stepped on toes by doing that.  Which then got me to thinking.  Maybe this guy is very accomplished but is still fighting some of the uglier sides of beta behaviour.  He is “open” enough to reveal his challenges and problems but not confident enough to accept help.

Don’t let the handyman in your house!
I do this handyman gig on the side.  I’m not a trade, just a guy who knows some stuff and has customers who appreciate me.  Side note, being “just a guy” I am regularly gratified and disappointed that sometimes, my customers like me more than the pros that came before me.  Just sayin’.

I was working on my most sensitive project in the last couple of weeks: finishing touches on a $2M house prior to subdivision grand opening.  Note, this is Canada.  Building and land are expensive here.  I’d guess that in many locations of the US, this house would be $1M max.  

I got to chuckling to myself.  After all the building and nailing, who was the one who got to come in and see to her final preps – a little lipstick and lingerie?  

The Handyman!

Radical Blogectomy
Finally, courtesy of Vivalamanosphere, I got to this blog on Apocalypsecometh.  Embedded is this article. I’ve been smoking way too much lately.  I didn’t need any encouragement.

Other tidbits you’ll find in there.

-sunscreen causes melanoma
-you might be better off living with prostate cancer than having a radical prostatectomy
-doctors kill more people than guns every year

 

Have a great week.  Looking forward to vacation with son and his GF starting Friday and heading out to the the only desert in Canada to make the most of what passes for summer here.

What about the beauty?

The pursuit of truth and beauty is a sphere of activity in which we are permitted to remain children all our lives.
– Albert Einstein

Think of all the beauty still left around you and be happy.
– Anne Frank

Shibumi has to do with great refinement underlying commonplace appearances. It is a statement so correct that it does not have to be bold, so poignant it does not have to be pretty, so true it does not have to be real. Shibumi is understanding, rather than knowledge. Eloquent silence. In demeanor, it is modesty without prudency.
– Shibumi: Trevanian.

 

I was drawn to spy novels in my teens and twenties. One of my all-time favourite books is Shibumi, by Trevanian of The Eiger Sanction fame. The main character, Nicholai Hel, is a man who I would characterize as a genuine Sigma.

He is an assassin. He is supremely cynical. He is very solitary. Hel was self-centered and had potential for cruelty. In the midst of that, he understood, valued and nurtured beauty, whether through his gardening or even his contracted consort.

In one scene with a business associate, the associate marvels at the idea that a man like Hel would pick a hobby such as gardening. (Paraphrased) “A warrior-poet, a warrior-philosopher maybe. But a warrior-gardener? Who would ever have thought such a thing?”

Sometimes, Red Pill discourse might have you believe that all is wrong and you must disconnect, harshly correct, and never genuflect.  Recently, I engaged with Dr. Illusion (he starts digging in a bit more here) and Young Hunter at Embrace the Hunt. The topic was immediately relevant as I was dealing with my own, somewhat surprising, onset of Oneitis. I was struck by Illusion and Hunter’s take on the topic, devoid of the rhetoric against being caught up with one woman. Instead, there was a recognition of the beauty that a specific woman could bring to your life.

In my words:

– Brewing coffee while you are in the shower in the morning.
– She isn’t ready when you arrive because she is taking care to enhance her own beauty…for your pleasure.
– The satisfied sounds of appreciation for a job well done. (I am a great cook😉 ).
– She takes a standing request to heart and makes effort to fulfill it when the circumstances suggest.
– The intimacy of kissing relentlessly in the midst of a full body coital embrace.
– She relishes and craves the warmth of your chest.
– Driving without speaking, simply enjoying caress and touch in place of words.

Perhaps ‘beauty’ is overstating the above. Who can deny though, the understated value of such occurrences?  Why would you deny yourself those pleasures, so simply crafted as to potentially go unnoticed?

At the risk of copyright infringement and mocking a meme, I won’t be that guy.

 

I must credit Sis at Delightful Oak and Passionate Christian Marriage for her own little inspirational nudge in this direction.  Thanks Sis!

Whoa. How’d I get here?

As may often be the case, I don’t really know what I am going to do here for sure.  The manosphere in general is a reason for me to start this up but I can’t say that I will be holding to the generalized topics often present there.

I CAN say that I had a couple (really, only a couple) of nudges to start in earnest, then an inspiration for a post percolated which will be immediately following.

Thanks for visiting!