Cypher has been written about before. The little blue pill whore in The Matrix who sells out his comrades in what has come to be seen in the manosphere as the quintessential artistic rendering of white knights and manginas ’round the world.
Good lord…I have been having something of one of those moments.
Probably in the early 2000s I was starting to be unplugged from the machine. I knew something was wrong. All the blue counsel in the world was only serving to help my marriage fail and make me miserable. I pushed against it to the dismay of my personal sphere.
About two years ago, I came across Reframing Christian Marriage. Holy crap! I was hooked. Tubes were pulled out of my femoral arteries, urethra, nostrils and ears, not to mention that damned itchy cable connected to my spinal cord. I arose, not reluctantly, into a world I saw as bleak. And #$@%!!!!!! I wanted to create something different for myself.
As I started implementing, I saw the nuclear breakup of my first significant post-marriage relationship. Lemme tell you, readers, I have lived a few manosphere cliches.
I saw what happened. I knew what I did wrong. I was fired up. Gotta get me some alpha-tude, I’m gonna bang me some chicks, fuck’em!!!! I’d been screwed over too long and too often to let this be my life for its last third.
I pissed off family. While my brother is there with me, my sister I am sure thinks I am off my rocker. I have some ‘progressive’ extended family who probably shake their collective heads.
Then… I fall in something like love again. This girl was not what I was looking for. She was rural, girly in and of herself, but lacking the presentation I desired. Well Mr. Her-Alpha-Dog was gonna do something about that! Let’s girly her up. And she got into it. I wanted to see more skirts and heels, she was slightly reluctant but man! Could she rock it when she did! She’d pull me over to the computer to show me her latest finds. SPROING! She was doing it anyway, but I encouraged her to grow her short hair. God, when she did it up in ways that short hair doesn’t allow, I was thrilled at how she looked AND by the effort she put in to something she knew I wanted.
Despite some of our differences, I got hooked. I thought I’d found this natural, born and raised Red Pill Woman. Look at me!
Then without a word – not one – and nary a sign, she was gone. Disappeared.
Latebreaking note: I have since found out that it was precisely because of my attitude of “let’s girly her up”.
All Women Are Like That, and we know what “that” is. I consoled myself knowing that I didn’t back down from what I wanted out of a relationship.
Time to bang me some more chicks.
Instead, my time was spent reflecting and refining what I think it’s all about. Dr. Illusion and Young Hunter inspired me. Seriously, I don’t want to be a paper alpha, a bitter likely-MGTOW, a heartless PUA. Despite the (shall we say) “annoyance” I am experiencing, I could look at things I valued in any relationship, largely fueled by that last one.
I recently read some of the comments at SSM on the topic of Sex Bots. Dr. Illusion (who I think has a lot of good to say) weighed in and was largely accused of being nothing more than the Minister of Man-Up, a secular Mark Driscoll. I have to admit, some of the criticism made sense. Didn’t I just go through another scenario? Didn’t some chick reel me in and screw me over?
I was starting to get all twisted up again. Did I get it wrong? Was my approach to red pill a fantasy? Or should I go big or go home?
Well, it has been about 3 weeks that this post has been brewing. A lot of little things have happened along the way. I thank Young Hunter (Hunter! Again, you address some of the stuff I was seeing and holistically take it on in this post), Dr. Illusion, my brother, the aforementioned disappearing GF (who, btw redeemed herself), my ex-wife even. I feel like I am crafting the coffeecrazed niche for my life. And really, isn’t the red pill about disconnecting from a reality that others seek to create for you, even the most well-meaning blogosphere luminary? I think that is what I was ignoring. It’s all about implementation for yourself.
Cypher was wrong. But I knew that.